I have moved to another blogging platform.

     I hereby announce the official closure of this blog

     ... long time no update.

     I'm actually thinking of moving on to a new blog at Blogger. New blog, new year. Something new, something a little bit different.

      Any protests?

     If I don't hear or see any comments from anyone, you shall soon see a new & improved UnMistaken Id-Entity (still 100% BS-Free) at Blogspot.

     Watch this space for further info.

     In the meantime ... Happy New Year, everyone. Have a good one ahead.

     Here's a thought: Why is it that when it comes to sex crimes, women almost unfailingly end up being the bad guys?

     Let's take prostitution for example. It's a universally-understood, simple fact of life that where there's demand, there's supply. So, technically, where there is plenty of demand, there's bound to be plenty of supply as well, hence the reason why the business of whoring persistently flourishes despite numerous measures taken to keep it in check. Where does it all come from, this endless `demand'? Men. Who are the pimps generally? Men. And 99% of the reasons behind these women's slip into the world of prostitution? M-E-N. But why is it that despite all these proven facts, women remain the vilified ones?

     Let's take another example. When a woman gets raped, who normally gets the blame? It's always she who's the one dressing provocatively, the one who's asking for it, the one making up stories. It's always about the girl, never about the guy. And what do these pricks get for destroying a woman's dignity, trust, confidence, reputation and future - basically, her whole life? 20 years max. For a lifetime of shame and hurt. He gets away with a few years in jail, she bears the burden of the crime for the rest of her life.

     Nice world we are living in, isn't it?

     I did it! I bloody did it! I completed my first ever NaNoWriMo successfully! My word count totals up to 50306 words, but after scrapping a few bits here and there when I do my final editing, I have a feeling it's going to be less than that. But hey, what the hell, the main thing is: I BLOODY WELL REACHED THE 50K MARK WITHIN A MONTH! Purple has never looked so pretty!  View the finished product here. Please note that copyright to the cover design and the website's contents are mine and mine alone, so if you want to know how it feels like being skinned alive, please, by all means, plagiarise my work and use the images without my permission. I promise you, you will die a slow and painful death. I'm dead serious.

     By the way, I had to write not one 500-word piece, but TWO, last Thursday. It took me about one and a half hours to get them done. It really did feel like an exam. The first question was totally unexpected, asking me to write a press release about something I am absolutely clueless about, so I basically BS-ed my way through it and hope that they will buy it.

     Total wordcount as of yesterday: 35391 words.

     I know, I'm surprised myself that I've gone this far, and still going steady at that too, so I'm hoping that by the end of next week, I'll be finished with it. For the year. I'm thinking of adding on a prologue and an epilogue to it to stretch it a bit; I have a sneaking suspicion that if I don't do that, then the novel is going to be finished before the word quota is up!

     I'd have to say, it's been a very good exercise for me in terms of patience, self-discipline and willpower - it's not an easy thing you know, to keep churning out storyline after storyline day after day, and to put them across in the most creative and interesting manner you could think of. Also, I've learnt that you don't really know how proficient you are in a particular language until you've tried to write a lengthy piece in that language (such as a 5oK-word novel). Not as easy as it sounds, believe me.  You may think that you're good, but you don't really know to what extent until you've put it to the test. I guess the fact that I don't exactly have so much as a job to occupy most of my time plays a big part in me being on pace. To be honest, if I were working in a job like everyone else this month, I don't think I'll be able to finish it on time, or even bother with it.

     For those of you who have taken some time to review my work-in-progress (30 visitors so far - wow, and it's not even finished yet!) and those who have sent me some really nice emails about it, thank you heaps for your much too kind words and encouraging comments! Nice to know that you don't regard it as a load of bullcrap

     Here's to another 15K more!

     There's this stupid new advertisement I just saw on the telly this evening, while watching my weekly dose of Desperate Housewives. You know, the one that starts with: What do ALL women fear most?

     The answer? (Drumrolls, please) Ageing and wrinkles!

     Can you believe that? I've never seen so much bollocks crammed within a space of a few minutes. I'm surprised they allow such misleading adverts here in Malaysia. I find it downright offensive and degrading to women. Excuse me, whoever it was who came up with such a bright idea for an advertisement: Not all, I repeat, not ALL members of the female population put such high emphasis on superficiality! Idiots. And they say the Malaysian society puts too much importance on looks these days. With this kind of adverts freely shown on our airwaves brainwashing the less discerning amongst us into thinking so, I am not the least bit surprised!

     Why should you care about wrinkles and age spots anyway? You're going to get eaten up by worms and all sorts of parasites anyway when you are dead, so why waste your money on such expensive beauty care products? It's a waste of time, money and effort. You can't buy youth in a jar. I don't believe some women are still buying into such nonsense.

     You know what I fear most in life? Losing interest in all the things that interest me in life. That, and losing it altogether - burning all the fuses in my brain.

     Much more applicable to my current situation though, is the fear of finishing my NaNoWriMo novel before I reach 50K, of running out of ideas to write. Or of my computer getting fried from the intense pressure of being forced to work for hours on end day in day out for a whole month, before I could upload my month's equivalent of blood, sweat and tears, all finished, onto NaNoWriMo's site to be verified as a `Winner'.

     Wait, I think I am beginning to lose it - can you smell something burning?

     I was just 8 words shy of 18K as of November 9th when, just as expected, my writer's block arrived, right on schedule. So know what I did? I wrote the last chapter instead. Yep, I decided to go all the way to the end, get the climax out of the way and fill the spaces in between in the next 20 days. Chapter 10 ups my wordcount to a little over 21K. Not bad, eh? 3K+ in under 2 hours. I must be going mad.

     By the way, love the Flash-version Author's Profile page on the site. Trés kewl!

     I am still deriving pleasure from the act of singing Kelly Clarkson's `Because of You' at the top of my lungs.

     I've also added another song to my howl-to list: Audioslave's `Doesn't Remind Me.' I'm loving it. Chris Cornell still has the ability to rock my socks, 'though not as much as in those Soundgarden days.

     And I've decided that I like Gavin DeGraw, even though his videos are kind of clichéd with beautiful young blondes acting as his `love interest' and he looks a little like the neighbour's pit bull. But his songs are beautiful and have a lot of soul; they're positively dripping with emotion.

     Busiest 2 days of my life.

     Haven't been able to sit down in front of the computer and continue with my writing due to the overwhelming number of guests showing up at our house from morning until late at night yesterday, and from morning until now today, but at least I am on pace. I was supposed to have come up with 10,002 words by the end of yesterday; so far I'm on 10,226 words and I think I'm quite safe (for the time being!). I plan to do at least 2K every day, so I should be able to finish it on time if I stick to it. What I'm most afraid of is running out of things to write - the pool of ideas drying out before I'm done. Yikes.

     I have come to realise recently how much I LOVE the new Kelly Clarkson's song `Because of You'. It's a very beautiful, very moving song. The lyrics, the music, the emotive vocals - they're all spot on. It may sound like it, but it's not actually a sappy song if you listen to it carefully. It is actually about the effects of emotional abuse on a child (by a screwed up parent, or perhaps a guardian), who finds it hard to let go and gets emotionally scarred from the experience in adulthood.  I have been singing along at the top of my lungs every time the song comes on air, in the privacy of my room, of course, but which probably accounts for the *Ahem!* pouring rain we get these past few days. But it is such a good song to howl to. She has an amazing voice, and she knows how to bring the mood out in each song. In fact, I think I am going to add her new album to my cd collection - everything on it sounds good to me.

     In fact, I'm so obsessed with the song at the moment that I'm putting up the lyrics here for us to ponder upon (and for you to howl along to should it be on while you're reading this entry):

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry
In the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you

     My eyes are puffy from last night.

     I've decided to lose myself in Skeletons and think of nothing else. Have just completed the first chapter, which makes up 10% the project.

     I find myself getting into it more and more. I like how the characters develop. As the words spin out of my head onto the keyboard, the story is beginning to take on a much clearer form.

     My eyes hurt though, from long periods of contact with the computer screen. I'm probably going to be as blind as a bat at the end of it, but at least I can say that I've written a novel, even though not in mass publication.

     A blind novelist. How romantic.

     Thank you for not appreciating me and my efforts all these while.

     Thank you for forever thinking of me in the most negative sense, for seeing me in the worst possible light.

     You want to know why I am not so`nice' sometimes? Because I don't see the point. You never notice them. No matter what I do, all you see are and will always be bad things in me.

     To you, you are always right and everyone else, especially me, is always wrong, wrong, wrong.

     Thank you for letting me know time and time again where I really stand in your life.

     Thank you for being the person who manages to draw the most tears out of me.

     Thank you for making me feel like a piece of shit stuck at the bottom of your shoe.

     Thank you for making me feel so worthless and insignificant.

     Thank you for making it easier for me to let you go.